Lamma Ladies

Lamma Ladies in Penang Part 2

2008-08-01T21:48:00.012+08:00

After the excitement of Thursday, the Lamma Ladies (a couple of them, anyway) were up bright and early to find themselves a new, mysterious - and hopefully - willing female helm.

By 9:30am it was solved. We were told a lovely girl from Australia would be our helm for the day. So we sat down to wait for our race.

By 11:00am we were called up to the big house (technical director's tents) to be told that Sylvia could not be our helm, as she was needed to perform as a marshall throughout the rest of the day (which was true, but didn't make us too happy since here was yet another kink in our constantly changing schedule).

Then we met Bev, a lovely, lovely woman from Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, who would NOW be our helm for the day. If we had known then (when we met her) how swiftly we would come to adore Bev, we would have been dancing with joy.

After a couple more hours' hanging about the tent, reading or resting and generally being bored senseless, we were call to our first heat of the day for the 200-meter dash.

And we raced, and we were was rubbish. For reasons too boring and convoluted to go into here, the calls from the starter, (Sample: "Hold, hold, right, front, back, boat two forward, back, hold, hold HOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLDDDDD, boat one, what do you want? Forward, back, hoooooolllllddd ..... are you ready???? HOLLLLLLLDDDD, attention. Go!") were so aggravating the crew was muttering profanities and ready to assault any official who got close enough to swing at.

During the melee of muttering and confusion of the weird calls to our boat, everyone else began the race. The Ladies were 2 strokes behind from the beginning. Paddles flew into action at a super-high rating, and our timing down the boat was vile.

Nevertheless, we came fourth, by - to quote one delicate Lamma Femme, "A gnat's chuff" - whatever that is. So we had our second race - to repechage - an hour later.

In the meanwhile, here are some lovely photos of Lamma's Lunatics waiting for races, or preparing for races.

Jessica Rabbit

"No, you get the drumsticks."

Wishbone Georgie

Captain Gina's regular face (left)

Lamma Ladies Group Cheer with Bangles

The repechage was fine. Uneventful, boring even. And we came second. So we were happy and headed to the semi-finals!

Lamma Ladies: 2nd in Repechage

But then, things started to go awry. We went to the semi, and we were given our first sign that not all was well with the race.

Dawn - the Beast - has her number called...

The line up for boat at the startline was hellish. That same wind that had torn across the reservoir on Thursday was now pushing the bows of the dragon boats forward and back. Our guest-helm Bev fought to control our boat on the outside lane; which was far more prone to the winds.

After innumerable delays, and Bev nearly falling overboard with the strain of keeping the boat on course, the crazy announcers ("HOOOOOLLLLLLLDDDDDD. Ready? Attention! Go!") finally started the race. Twenty-two frustrated crew members went paddling like maniacs down the course.

However, we were not the only maniacs on the water:

Collision with Singapore Paddle Club

The helmswoman for the Singapore Paddle Club lost her footing, and her boat veered swiftly into the Lamma crew, T-boning seats one and two, and knocking the Beast right off her drum and into the reservoir.

There were a few screams and some hideous cursing as the crew craned their necks to make certain Dawn wasn't drowning or being battered by paddles. The Lamma Ladies were - in a word - freaking.

The Beast was swimming, Claudia and Sharon were busy picking themselves up off the floor and the rest of the crew was certain we had all died and would forever paddle in the purgatory that is a reservoir in Penang, with IDBF rules. (Ed note: On further reflection, that could be hell).

Fortunately, la Beast was fine, so the crew we paddled off in some other direction, wondering what to do before we went back to the pontoon.

Hmmm - why is the pink lady on the speed boat? Is this a "Where's Waldo" puzzle?
Above, aimless lamma ladies paddle around without a .... Beast

Bev took us back to our start with great calm, Gina's insta-fangs were retracted, and we arrived at the dock hale and whole, if rattled and frustrated.

The poor helmswoman of the Singapore Paddle Club was devastated, and apologized profusely (and hey, it happens; nobody does that kind of thing on purpose!).

But now the Lamma Ladies had to decide whether they wanted to enter the next semi-final immediately, or protest the results of the one we'd just run, and possibly loose our chance to finish the 200-meter races at the event.

With no guarantees of the outcome of an official protest, we opted to race again.

Lamma Ladies kicking ass in the outside lane (far left)

Roaring away at the start, the ladies ran on nerves and fury, keeping apace with 2 of the top teams in the world. We ultimately crossed the finish line in 3rd place, but we were delighted to be there.

More importantly: we were in the top 12!!!

Saturday's race for the 200-meter final will be the ladies' first chance at top-ten contender status. Currently in either 11th or 12th place overall, we are fighting to pick up a few placements in the final.

But really, after a new drowning, countless starter issues, boredom waiting between races, and general worries about whether or not we would have a helm (Thanks Bev!!), we reckon that overall, Saturday has GOT to be better than Friday.

We think.

One race only on Saturday: then to the beach to rest for a few hours before the Sunday 500 meter showdown.

Saturday's results to be posted here later... but below: the final results for the 200 meter race on Friday.

Lamma Ladies in Penang!

2008-07-31T23:36:00.003+08:00

International Dragon Boat Federation (IDBF)
6th Club Crew World Championships 2008, Penang, Malaysia.

The Arrival:

The first thing we notice when we get to our hotel on Wednesday evening is – Hey! It’s really nice!
The Lamma Ladies have traveled throughout Asia on several international events, though none so big or formal as the Club Crew World Championships (more than 20 countries represented). Evidently, the Penang tourist bureau wasn’t putting its low-rent hotels on the itinerary, so our median-range hotel looks rather swank to us village girls. Real blankets on the beds! Toilet paper in the bathroom! No cockroaches! Luxury!

That, so far, is the good news.

The Troubles:

The bad news is plentiful and overwhelming. Barely 10 days before the event, the Hong Kong teams (and the rest of the Asian teams) in the Premier Women’s League discovered that unlike in Asia, the North American, Australian, and (we assume) European Dragon Boat crews all use women steerspersons/helms in the “women’s event.”

Lest that sound obvious to the uninitiated, the nine Asian women’s teams have uniformly raced with men for helms throughout Asia, and have done so for many, many years. And although we all have been told throughout the years that these Asian races were "women's only" crews, the presence of a male helm did not nullify their standing as, well - you know - WOMEN. Even by the alleged IDBF rules we were all apparently following.

This would NOT be the case in Penang in 2008! This was a helluva spoiler, discovered too late to tell our male helm, Frazer McGilvray, who had flown in especially from the *cough* USA to make it to the event.

No amount of cajoling or pleading, or polite or aggressive emails in advance, would move the IDBF or the Australian and North American teams on this matter (it came down to a vote between participating teams and we were outnumbered). This was a distinctly "Asian problem,” since it was uniformly Asian teams that were in the dark over the regulations.

The options given to our teams were thus:

Use a male helm and accaept that your results don’t count;
Use a male helm and pay a USD $500 fine;
Use a female helm from another team whose race doesn’t conflict with your own, and who agrees to help you out (damn good of them, really);
Cause a big stink about it and be disqualified. Every single stinker among us.

** To be fair: that is what we were told the options were. The Lamma Ladies' flight was landing in Penang just as the managers’ meeting was commencing. We had proxy representation that informed us of the results. The stress headaches got worse from there.

In the long run: approximately nine teams had to replace their male helms for a small pool of unknown women. In summary, we were told we had to give our men their walking papers.

Rude side note: Asia – China and Hong Kong – may be the official heart of Dragon Boating, but apparently, the head is firmly running the show (and sadly, that head is buried in the crevice of another continent’s buttocks).

Frazer - Our lone Pink Man!

The Result of the Troubles:

Let it never be said the Lamma Ladies are not loyal! In a solidarity vote, the crew opted to have Frazer helm for our first event, the 2,000 meter race, and accept the fact that although we would be given a time, our results would not be officially recognized.

For the upcoming 200 and 500-meter races, we would accept an unknown female helm, and enter as full competitors, but for the 2,000-meter, we were absolutely going to go with the steersman who has helmed with us for many races these past 6 years!

So, for our first race, we pulled on our screaming pink crew shirts, and got our butts on the water.

Lamma Ladies Make Friends Everywhere

The First Race of the Weekend:

The 2,000-meter race, which incorporates a staggered start of 12 seconds between competitors, and three hairpin turns, is challenging in the best of conditions.

We did NOT have the best of conditions.

The winds over the reservoir were pushing countless crews off-course, driving them into each other, and generally providing a spectacle of carnage on the water. Frazer was looking a little green as we surveyed a race that took place just 30 minutes before we were scheduled to begin.

Conditions became so bad, that the organizers delayed proceedings for 30 minutes in hopes the situation would calm down. And it did, a little.

Twenty Premier Women’s teams were in the 2,000- meter competition. The Lamma Ladies were in boat number nine. We inched our way forward to the start line. Each boat was staggered by 12 seconds. Teams would chase each other around the course, and fight not to be overtaken.

We looked ahead at the start line. Boat seven was on its way. Boat eight waited to go – them, poof – they were off. Ten seconds later, our paddles were up and ready to go and – poof – we were off.

The crew was in excellent form, the timing was perfectly in unison, and the rating was calm and measured. It was a two-kilometer race after all: dashing off like maniacs wouldn’t work for anyone.

Of course, when one of the top three international women’s blew past us in a fine mist of water and a flash of red, we almost reconsidered.

Ladies apres race one...

But the crew held strong, and pushed out an excellent first attempt at a 2,000-meter race time. At 12:46, we had beaten our own practice records by nearly a minute. Moreover, Frazer steered the race magnificently, turning directly on the buoy lines and never missing an inch; taking to work the smoothest, most direct route possible.

Once out of the boat the crew was ecstatic. This was a new distance for us, and it was not quite the time we would have liked in comparison to the field (we were NOT in the top 10 for that race, unofficially or otherwise); but it felt good and the team felt strong.

End of the Day:

What followed was the team getting on the bus to head back to the lovely, roach-free hotel, while Claudia and Gina attended the evening’s team managers meeting. There they learned that the Canadian teams felt there was too much bumpy dirt under their marquis (and the complainant actually said the word “conspiracy” – as in “conspiracy of dirt”). Some Australians wanted more aggressive ID checks at the race stations to make sure – we gather – no secret “ringers” were being snuck into boats. We just asked for a woman helm to identify herself so we could beg her to help us on Friday. There were none available at that time.

And so, Day One was over. Three more race days to go, and a female helm to be found by 10am on Friday morning. Precisely 11 hours from this minute! (as written). We start at 8am. Four cups of coffee ought to get us going. That and a Power Bar or two.

Friday races: the 200-meter sprint! The target: Top 10, or puke our guts out trying!

xxx the
Lamma Ladies.

A little crew love

Miss Mel and company, after the race

Party with the Ladieeez like it's 1988

2008-05-23T11:02:00.003+08:00

Got a secret thing for HUGE hair and especially bad cosmetics? Miss acid-wash jeans and Duran Duran? (you sad ass; talk about a view to a kill).

Join the Lamma Dragons (menfolk and wimmin-folk) for their 20th Anniversary Party on May 31st at the Island Bar - 8:00pm onwards.

There will be the usual revelry: including jelly shots, stupid - that is, FUN! - games, tunes and hooch (and hoochie mamas: this is the Lamma Ladies we is talking about).

Better yet, it's "Dress like it's 1988" night! Not only did 1988 bring us big hair, sparkly lip gloss (Max Factor, you are guilty of so many things...), pointy shoes and men wearing way too much eye-liner - in addition to so many assaults on our musical senses - it brought us the Lamma Dragon Ladies!

So come on down and celebrate! Lamma Ladies of the past, present and future are all welcome (and the men too!). We'll have special 20th anniversary shirts on sale, as well as a fab selection of the 80s finest discs a-spinnin' through the evening (not really spinning; it IS the digital age after all).

*Please note: the Lamma Ladies accept no responsibility for any emotional damage 80s flashbacks have on participants. Moonwalk at your own peril (1981-82). Crotch-grabbing - with or without sparkly goves - is not advised.

Lamma Ladies - Ready to roar in 2008

2008-01-28T13:11:00.000+08:00

The Lamma Ladies are celebrating 20 years of kicking butt on the water and falling on our butts while celebrating!

New paddlers are welcome to register for the 2008 season. Please visit the Island Bar (Main Street Lamma .... if you don't know where it is, you really, really need us) on Sunday, February 3rd at 3:00pm.

If you cannot make it, or would like more information, please call Gina at 9121 3648, or email ginacm@netvigator.com (please add: Lamma Ladies Recruitment to the subject line).

The Lamma Ladies have a 2-week window for recruitment this season. So sign up early!

See you all (cold and wet) on the water!

Lamma Festival

2007-06-12T14:35:00.000+08:00

The Lamma Ladies were so excited about the first Lamma Festival! We did photo-ops and enjoyed helicopter rides with our sponsors, Heliads (Who are so cool. Who else has helicopters to fly around in before their big races? Does Donald Trump have a team of dragon femme-bots yet? We LOVE Heliads!); and we posed and preened and wore Pink!

And while, that was all grand and glorious, our weather forecast looked like this:

We lie: The weather forecast didn't look like that for two days. It looked like that for eight days.

We could have lived with the weather reports, after all - for 7 days solid the observatory was wrong. We did not have thunder and lightening and gale-force winds. We did not have sheets of rain falling every day (though rain did fall at night).

We did, however, have a Red Tide. I mean, is that fair? Red Tide?

Nevertheless, the Lamma Ladies were still so excited and so dedicated about the race, that we spent 2-3 hours on Saturday morning (June 9), wading in that lovely red-tide up to our necks, pulling litter our of the sea (approximately 4 large bin-bags full of sodden plastic bags, old netting, bottles and chip-bags and other flotsam and jetsam. In addition, Gina would like someone to buy her dinner since she picked up the floating condom with her bare hands. Failing that, she would like an AIDs test).

Please do not mistake us: our beach is sometimes littered by jerks who drink and smoke and drop their rubbish on the shore, but the sea-litter is something different and is really only genuinely bad when there has been lots of rain (at night!) to wash it in from the Pearl River Delta (well that is what we think, anyway).

It wasn't pretty work, but the shoreline was 100% better and after our work, looking out into the surf, we only could only see that freaky remarkable red tide - which by then we'd become accustomed to - and clear water.

So off we went to bed that evening, with visions of Pink Championships dancing in our heads.

Alas, many of us awoke at 4:30am, to the crackle of lightening and the HK Observatory sending out Amber rain warnings. After a few phone calls to the Observatory, we were assured that the rain warning and the thunderstorm warnings would be down by 7 and 9am respectively.

So we were cheered by that. After all - the whole week had gone that way: rain at night, calm by day. But it was not to be.

Everyone of the 55 teams arrived to the beach to compete. And everyone of those 55 teams managed to have one race. And then the really bad weather blew in.

Calm before the crazy-ass storm.

Lamma Ladies prepare for their first race.

By 1pm, the conditions had become too dangerous to continue. Lighting was in the air again, the sea had whitecaps at the start-line, and the steersmen and safety crews were shaking their heads. Even the surf at the shore had swelled and was swamping boats as they tried to launch.

As disappointed as we were, the Lamma Ladies are not the types to whinge and whimper. We'd rather flutter our eye-lashes and make farting noises at each other for kicks. So we closed up shop. We took down the marquees and sent home the teams and boats, and eventually, we got dry and went and drank wine and ate seafood (which -truth be told, looked a little red).

Then we cheered each other for all the work we'd done. And we cheered Brad, and Mark and Kevin of Thirsty Horse for killing themselves to get the race started. And we cheered everyone who had helped on the day.

Then Brad and Mark and Gina went and found Amy and the fishermen, and we drank more beer, and toasted each other until we could not see or stand or walk in a straight line. And in a funny way, we were still almost happy. Because we know it was a brilliant venue and will soon be a brilliant race.

And the Lamma Ladies are still excited. After all, 1,200 paddlers came to our house for a party. Sure we got busted by the hand of an evil, wrathful (and clearly male) god; but he's going out again real soon and when he does, we are going to burn down the house.*

It will be fantastic.

Next stop: Cheung Chau Races, June 17th and Stanley, June 19th!

* "burn down the house" is a metaphor. It is not a threat on the safety of Lamma, paddlers, competitors or mean and wrathful gods.

MIA: Lamma Ladies comments!

2007-06-12T13:42:00.000+08:00

It's been a crazy couple of months for the Lamma Ladies.

After our fantastic 7 Deadly Sins party, the team went on to race at Tin Hau and Deep Water Bay. So that kept us a little busy.

Vicky waving to her fan club.

Lamma Dragons (mixed team). Dawn's hair is getting
the most action here. It's BIG, it's flying!

The littlest paddler: Sai Bee's grandson learns the ropes.

At Deep Water Bay, the Lamma Ladies returned in force to do things completely differently this year. Instead of T-boning the other teams, as was our unofficial game plane in 2006 (thanks Frazer! we miss you!), we decide to move everyone around in the boat, not practice our changes much in advance of racing, and generally take the piss since we are all so brilliant and strong.

What is the first rule of competition? DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING.

Did we remember this rule? NO.

Did we pay for it? YES YES YES.

Well, we paid for it with a bronze medal. It's not like we got slapped around or anything, or - heaven forbid - "blown out of the water" - as one rubbish media outlet would bizarrely mistake the event (top three ladies teams all crossed the line point-naught of a second behind one another).

And were we PINK that day? We were amazingly pink. We were so pink that our new shirts ran dye and left behind boats full of bright pink water. You'd think we planned that our something...

Lamma Ladies and assorted progeny at Deep Water Bay.

Racing neck and neck - look carefully: do you see any explosions?

At the end of the day, the races were brilliant, and the Ladies worked hard to prepare for their next HUGE race, The First Lamma International Dragon Boat Festival. And what were the results of this brilliant, exciting, "oh-my-god-i-need-to-go-pee-i-am-so-excited" event.

Well hell, didn't you read that already?

The Sinners' Circle

2007-05-10T14:52:00.000+08:00

On the night of the Lamma Dragons Seven Deadly Sins party, the teams raised almost $20,000 HKD for the club. Funds are critical to keeping the team racing, particularly at the Stanley Festival in June. Race organizers charge almost $10,000 per team for entry alone. Rental for a tarp/space on the beach and a spot to moor a junk cost a few thousand more. How fantastic then that we are all immeasurably wealthy!

One of our best fund-raisers for the evening was the auction of Harry Harrison's generously donated, super-duper original Lamma Dragons cartoon. Auctioneer, Paul Freak-man Davis very nearly outbid the audience. Eventually, Claudia (Prideful) Tarr dragged it from his stinking claws for $3,100. Thanks Harry, Claudia and Paul for your generosity, greed and envy!

Featuring gay pride (trannies Jo and George), fuzzy lion pride (Karen) and Sloth (the Beast! Ms Dawn).

Becky looks perfectly sinful here, but Elo appears far too sweet to be at a sin party. Apparently, she was going to dress as lust, but David kept interfering with her as she tried to leave the house.

Wrathful Andrew clutching his lustful, slothful mizzez.

Tina and Gina appear to be practicing the sins of fashion violence. Or Gina is in drag. Sometimes it's hard to tell...

Envy Li, and two multi-sinners, Becky and Michelle (who has legs up to her neck).

Tran-tastic Georgie.

Gluttony, envy, "would-be-lust" and "real" lust. Laura, Christine, Elo and Vicky (they call her "vixen" for a reason) line up. Special note: Laura has been warned that the nipple shirt will not help her find a hot, new man. Perverts maybe; not new men - no.

The Lamma Dragon men - just before they go home and put on their costumes.

Sleazy - lustful Arja - the Finn.

Bad Blonds.

Mad Max - please don't ask, since we haven't a clue...

Pride #1
Pride #2
Pride #3 (the Disney version)

Lust/wrath Sharon - mysterious middleman- and Jo Sveedish as Avarice.
Now that is avarice: Liesbeth

Franco-Finnish sin-stokers

The seven deadly sins...

silver belles

2007-04-30T08:24:00.000+08:00

Some nine or ten days has gone by since the Lamma Ladies were chastised for their vulgar ways in the public http://www.lamma.com.hk/ forum.

Since then, there has been some confusion over the activities of the Lamma Ladies, as we have been away racing (as we are wont to do), and lammaladies-spotters have mistaken the fishermen's night training for the usual riotous Pink Ladies. Nkarraker mourned what he/she believed was a silent Lamma ladies crew:

Well, you all have done it now. We were eating in one of the seaview restaurants tonight after dark and on the horizon we saw a dragonboat with its tiny lights coming into the harbor, I am certain, from another part of the South China Sea. In utter silence. No boom, boom, boom. No big tamasha. No shouting, shouting. No intricate rhythms on the drum. Like so many faceless seagoers paddling on a quiet communal rowing machine. I hope you are happy now.

We would hasten to assure Mr/Ms Nkarraker that nothing shuts the Lamma Ladies up.

Those were, in fact, the Lamma Fishermen, who - we are delighted to say - won a spectacular traditional fishermen's race in Cheung Chau on Sunday, April 29th! Those fishermen's boats are FAST! So the Yung Shue Wan, Lamma North Fishermen were superfast! And victorious. And Fantastic. And did we mention that they are the greatest?

Back to the Lamma Ladies:

We are pleased to announce that the Beast Master (known to laymen as the "drummer"), has taken on a new nick-name: Big Tamasha.

She seems to like it.

In racing news, the Pink Ladies attended their first race of the season in Shatin on Sunday, April 21. There is nothing quite like getting up at 6am to catch the 6:40 ferry to Shatin on a Sunday, then waiting for several hours between 1-minute races (our average time was 55 seconds over 200 meters). However, the day can be summed up by this photo:

How time just flies between those races.

And did we mention the toilets? There were FOUR porta-potties available for some 600 people. What can we tell you about that? We can tell you that it was revolting. Anyone who doubts the Lamma Ladies dedication to their sport has NEVER had to use a porta-potty that has served 600 athletes over an 8-hour period. Gas masks may have helped, but we are dubious that even that would have been enough.

Note to race providers. Get more bloody toilets next time!

As for the races: the Lamma Lovelies were split into two boats for the 200-meter Shatin drag race. In the following photo, our A-team boat is racing against four other crews for the final event.
After a blistering start, the Lamma Ladies pushed on to win a silver medal in their first event. It was, in fact, an excellent start to the season, although some of us were a little sniffy that we hadn't won the gold.

Well that is just hubris, and the Lamma Ladies would hate to be guilty of unwarranted pride. In any case, we are very happy to say that our second-place medals give us greater incentive to make Big Tamashas in the harbour, scream louder, and paddler harder!

Above are five tired boats at the finish line. We are the pink boat, in case there is any doubt.

And here we are, making faces and cheering over our fist silver medal of the season! Two of us are drinking wine in this photo. For purposes of fairness and anonymity, we cannot identify Georgie, in the pink tights and blue hat, or Michelle, in the black dress and fashionable white sneakers as the wine drinkers. But if we could, we would say that was them.

Drinking wine.... On the podium.... Shocking.

(The rest of us hid our beer cans behind our backs).

On Sunday, April 29th, the Lamma Ladies were invited to a traditional colour boat race in Cheung Chau. This is the same race that the Fishermen attended and won (we mentioned that, right?).

Again the Lamma Ladies took a silver medal, though we had never raced in colour boats before.

This is what we have to say about colour boats:

They are about 20 feet long.
They are about 1-foot deep.
They are evidently designed for women who weigh less that 40kgs.

We are afraid to say that although the Lamma Ladies may be working on "perfect asses," we have never stipulated that they be perfectly tiny asses.

And so, with each stroke from our magnificent arms, our boats would lunge across the water like demented, drunken beasts; skittering sideways and throwing up bow waves that could have sunk barges, and generally foiling our best efforts to glide across the water in graceful unison.

What the hell: we lunged our way across the finish line, picked up our two trophies (two boats won trophies!), and then ran off to eat shellfish and race sampans back to Lamma, with lots of "shouting shouting" along the way.

See us at our next race: THE TIN HAU FESTIVAL - in Yung Shue Wan, Lamma Island, on May 9!

There will be only decorous 'shouting shouting' at Tin Hau, since we have tremendous respect for our local race to this benevolent goddess of the sea.

Not even the Lamma Ladies mess with the sea gods. That's just stupid.

"Enticing lustful (sic) opiatics" and our "tight, dampened shorts"

2007-04-18T10:10:00.000+08:00

It is with overwhelming shame that we, the Lamma Ladies have recently learned that our outrageous, immoral behaviour is offending the sensibilities of the more principled members of Lamma society.

In a recent photo essay on http://www.lamma.com.hk/, Lamma-gung posted some snaps of the Lamma Ladies getting ready to begin a training session on Saturday, April 14th, 4:30pm-6pm .

(Readers: You may want to consult you diaries, in case you noted any disturbance to your public-decency barometers during that period.)

According to the forum on Lamma.com, the loud, violent drumming and the "Too much of shouting shouting," was particularly loathsome to some of the more morally upstanding denizens of the Lamma community.

In addition to our "too much of shouting shouting..." the Lamma ~~Ladies~~ harridans have been urged to stop this disgraceful exercising in public and do what proper ladies, of exemplary dignity have done for centuries: stay home.

"Maybe machine for rowing is better," opines one gentleman.

"The ladies dancing on tables after consuming alcohol, and it is not suitable for these ladies to behave in such a manner. Too much of excitement . Staying home is better and having [home rowing] machine will give the exercise," he concludes.

We are delighted that exercise remains on the agenda, what, with all the jackboot polishing we will likely be doing (as befits proper, dignified ladies) we'll need to keep up our strength.

Our greatest shame came from the febrile pen of one Mr/Ms tjungarayi who wrote:

Not only (do the Lamma ~~Ladies~~ harridans have) loose morals but they look they are all on drugs.
Steroids that is! Just look at the shoulders and forearms on some of those... .em... 'ladies'. Popeye, eat your heart out! [Editor's note: Popeye was a ~~pussy~~ wuss, as are all men who are perplexed by muscular women.]

At last the voice of the moral stalwart can be heard among those in this forum. Bring back the morals of queen Victoria, the quiet dignified ladies and gentlemen of yesteryear.

Get rid of the smut and scantily clad women in pink lycra swim wear. Enough of the grunting echoes in Yung Shu Wan.

These women should be setting an example to the young ladies on the island not parading about in tight dampened shorts riding up their suntanned thighs. What effect will thse women have on the young men on the island I ask?

They will lead young men into the ways of wickedness and depravation. Enticing
lustful opiatic like sodden dreams on warm balmy nights. Blinding our young men
to upright meaningful Protestant occupation. Alas what has this island come to. (?)

Well, quite apart from the atrocious punctuation, this certainly put us in our place!

If we had known that parading around Lamma, with our "tight dampened shorts riding up our suntanned thighs" would lead to "enticing lustful opiatic like sodden dreams on warm balmy nights," well - we'd never wear anything else!

We do, however, apologize for the "sodden dreams."

Perhaps some "Young Men" on Lamma should consider rubber sheets? Nocturnal emissions are nothing to be ashamed of, certainly, but they do make your bedding a little funky after a time.

In conclusion, the Lamma Ladies (reborn, harridans no more!) would like to offer our since apologies to those people we've offended with our crass, unfeminine behaviour. Should you care to discuss the matter with us at a future date, please drop by after a training session.

We'll be a little tired, but we'll still be happy to kick your sorry, whinging asses.

when the sun shines out of Claudia's armpits

2007-03-29T09:50:00.000+08:00

Ah yes, now we remember where the Lamma Ladies got their reputation for aggravatingly laid-back behaviour!

Behold: two natural brunettes and four suspiciously sun-shiney blonds. Please note: they drinks were consumed after a practice.

And yes: the sun does shine out of Claudia's arm-pits. Sometimes it shines out of the Beast Master's butt. Sometimes.

Georgie: butt blisters are no excuse for this shocking display. Put your pants on! (Nice legs!)

Introducing: the Perfect Ass awards!

2007-03-24T15:59:00.000+08:00

Now that the Lamma Ladies have put down the Doritos, we've started our usual exercise routine of beer-chugging (those steins are heavy!) and occasionally getting off the sofa to change the channel. (okay, we lost the remote).

There are a few mad individuals who have embraced the hillsides of Lamma, and decided that running up and down them, over and over and over again, might aid in their performance in the dragon boats.

For these brave and hardy individuals, we hereby announce the "perfect ass" competition.

Here is a photo that our fellow web-izens have deemed a perfect ass:

Please note: this is NOT a Lamma Color-coded approved ass, it is merely a "perfect ass" representation, as denoted by our worldly peers (online, not in real life).

Cheeky number, isn't she? (We have no idea what period of the 1980s this photo comes from, but that is neither here nor there.)

There are, of course, different kinds of "perfect asses." Therefore, at the end of the season, we intend to judge both the Lamma Dragon men (who are running hills as well) and the Lamma Ladies for "perfect ass-ness." Awards will be handed out at the end of season.

So we urge you: get out there and sculpt yourself a perfect ass. Or just be one. Either works for us.

Happy International Lamma Ladies' (Women's) day

2007-03-08T16:49:00.000+08:00

From the 2006 season, but one of our favourites!
Lamma Ladies win Stanley.

putting the 'fun' back into fundraising

2007-03-06T16:51:00.000+08:00

Every team has its own way of raising money for race fees, new team shirts and gear, and the occasional travel subsidy. The Lamma Ladies - we are proud to say - have taken fund-raising to a whole other level.

And so it was that on March 3rd, at 7:30pm in an undisclosed location (Thanks Claudia!) 35 women gathered in their Sunday best (Elvira-red lipstick, plunging necklines, heels) to drink a variety of sinful pink cocktails and listen - with respectful attention - to a brief, yet informative, lecture on human sexuality.

Then we all played with the sex gadgets that our human sexuality expert / sexologist brought along for our shopping interest. (Imagine: sex and shopping. A winning combination!)

I cannot imagine why a photographer showed up at the undisclosed location in hopes of making a quick documentary. Alas, we shooed him away, as we are very prudish and shy.

Note: By "play" with the sex toys on display, we do not mean that any items were in "use". We simply compared and contrasted the various goods, lotions, potions and assorted doodads on display.
OK - fair enough - one lady wore one of the items. No, it wasn't the "nipple jewelry." (Many of us are still grateful for the latter escape from TMI and visual overload).

So yeah, just when you thought it was safe to be a Lamma Lady again, having nearly forgotten our brush with S&M fame from this episode or even this previous entry, it turns out that we are just as pervy as we ever were.

Big thanks to Mel for her fantastic arrangements and abundant cleavage, and to Heather at New Sensations for her impressive, positive and fun presentation.

And thank you Lamma Ladies, for your continuing support of the team. It was - surprise, surprise - a very successful fundraising event. One warning, however; if you are not in the boat in 2 weeks (after your New Sensations products are delivered), we will be staging home interventions. Please do not be wearing the "jewelry" if we need to come and find you. Please.

In other news: training is fantastic! Full boats, enthusiastic paddlers, and all the jellyfish a gang of gals could wish for, floating just inches from our fingertips. Really, can you think of anything better?

We want you in 2007!

2007-01-25T17:46:00.000+08:00

As happy as we are to trumpet our success in the 2006 season, there comes a time when we need to state the truth:

We need new paddlers!

As with most dragon boat clubs in Hong Kong, the Lamma Ladies lose paddlers each and every year to horrible things like pregnancy, relocation, and - very occasionally - the demands of what some people call "real life". (Though some of us are unfamiliar with this term, others insist that it does, in fact, exist; along with "good salary" and "men who clean bathrooms").

In any case, each year, the Lamma Ladies are delighted to take on a new crop of members, and we always wish to assure our new paddlers that nobody is an uber-paddler in the beginning. We do not have expectations of fitness; nor is experience necessary (in fact, lack of experience is often better!).

All we require is some new cool chicks, willing to hit the water, come to training and get ready to work and have a fantastic time in equal proportions. It helps if you can hold your liquor, but even that is not a prerequisite.

So join the Lamma Ladies today! Everyone begins in the same place: sat on a creaky, wooden seat, with the threat of splinters encroaching on your bum, and a big old scratchy paddle in your hand. What could be better?

For more information, please contact Gina at lamma_gina@yahoo.com.hk
She has no life, so she'll get back to you lickety-split.

Lamma Ladies Recruiting for 2007!!!

2007-01-16T21:16:00.000+08:00

Join the Lamma Ladies for the 2007 Season and get Powerful,Passionate and - oh so very pretty.

The girliest-looking, toughest talking, meanest paddling crew of Ladies will hit the water on January 26-27 for introductory sessions for the new season. Join us on January 21 - Sunday - at 3pm in the Island Bar to learn more and sign up for a season of tough training and brilliant fun.

The Lamma Ladies will travel to Boracay again in 2007, to defend their gold medal. In addition, we are hosting the first Lamma Dragon Boat Festival on June 10th.

Lamma Ladies Dragon Boating: less fattening than chocolate, tan lines to die for, and all the pink you could ever imagine.

For more information, contact lamma_gina@yahoo.com.hk

Three Gold Cups: One FANTASTIC TEAM

2006-06-01T23:25:00.000+08:00

The Lamma Ladies Top Deck "Deck-odent Dragons" had a stellar year.

To begin: our SILVER MEDAL from Shatin after 2 weeks' training!
Race Two: The Deepwater Bay Regatta where we were slamming in the heats, and unfortunately, also "slamming" in the final - for Bronze!

then...

BORACAY: GOLD!

CHEUNG CHAU: GOLD

STANLEY: GOLD!

Spectacular team work, dedication from every single member of the Lamma Ladies and a fantastic ability to OUT PINK, OUT PADDLE and OUT PARTY made 2006 one of our best years one record.

Congratulations Lamma! And mountains of Pink Love.

xxxxx (them's kisses, by the way)
- Lamma Gina

Christina is on her honeymoon - again!

Trophy's for the Lamma Men - Hooray!

Amy and Ivan: the super-power team that keep us afloat!

Kevin and Karen: Alliterative and disturbingly cute

Gina's grin, splitting her face (cup borrowed from Christina's honeymoon with special permission).

CHEUNG CHAU:

The Cheung Chau Gold Cup: So exciting we peed our pants!

Katie says, "I don't think I have Peter Berry rash... yet."

Boracay Body Condoms make a second appearance!

Christina - at the barre (not the bar... that comes later).

Lamma Ladies, official team coconut casings

Thank you very much!

2006-05-24T08:47:00.000+08:00

The Lamma Ladies - as many have guessed - are very shy. We don't like to boast, or announce our winnings, or engage in any unladylike behaviour of that nature.

Which is why we would like to say "THANK YOU" to Top Deck at the Jumbo for announcing our GOLD MEDALS and FIRST-PLACE CUP that we won at the International Races in Boracay over the May 12-14 weekend!

It's so nice to have someone brag about us on our behalf.

Typhoon Madness while the Dragon Entered

2006-05-20T10:04:00.000+08:00

YES, THAT IS THE WRONG COLOUR! Put down the knife Finn, she's one of ours!

Happy Birthday dear KIM! Happy Boracay-Birthday to you!

As you can see, we were definitely challenged by the gorgeous locals. In fact, we huddled in a tent to save ourselves from comparison. Okay, we didn't - but shit they are amazing.

Wait, wait - we cannot take anymore. You guys are too hot. Come to Hong Kong! COME TO HONG KONG!

Yes, they are all wearing gold medals (that would be the WINNER'S medals to the layman).
Yes, they OUT-PINKED, OUT-PADDLED and are about to OUT-PARTY the ass out of this island.
Yes, this dress is a man-made fabric.

On the cat to Boracay. No, not a kitty-cat. Don't be daft.

Behind that sweet exterior beats the heart of a paddler-killer. Watch your ass.

She's Finnish. Ask Orville.

Body condoms, brought to you by our weekend typhoon. One of these people isn't sober.

Vat? Zees eez not Brazil! Sheet! Now I have to teach zees pinkies how to party!

Yes. We are famous. What do you see? PINK (on the right. Duh). What did we do all weekend? Out-Pinked, Out-PADDLED and Out-Partied (well, the SeaGods beat us on partying one night...)

Isn't she lovely? And a kick-ass paddler, swimmer, runner....

All subject to the regulated colour-scheme. Manila approved.

Ralph Lauren-approved matching wardrobes. No - really - they are lovely. So co-ordinated! So Pink!

That isn't the Playboy mansion! Ha! You got me!

And when I am crowned queen, the language of Brazil will be Pinklish.

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Can we go home now? Where is that dance party?

I am just getting warmed up. In two hours, my eye-lashes will be even longer.

5 years of secretarial school and all i got was the leading role in that S&M movie about... a secretary. Love the hair.

You only think your boobs are bigger than mine. Look. LOOK!!!

It doesn't get any better than this. LAMMA IN BORACAY 2006.

test video from deepwater bay...but stops at crucial point!!

2006-05-09T13:21:00.000+08:00

Still working on making this work!

http://www.fithk.com/client/May72006DeepWaterBayFinal.wmv

Thanks to Lisa's good-man Greg for taking it!

The Best TOP DECKS in Hong Kong

2006-05-09T08:59:00.000+08:00

There is far too much to say about the Deepwater Bay races on May 7.

There is far too much left to do.

There is no such thing as too much pink.

Lamma Ladies: Power, Precision & Passion for

Out Pinking, Out Paddling & Out Partying!

Boracay begins, Wednesday at 6:30 at Hong Kong International Airport. Pink Champers begin at 6:40 at Hong Kong International Airport. Be there.

Our Sponsor: Top Deck!

2006-04-28T09:27:00.000+08:00

Because the Lamma Ladies have far more significant things to do with our time than worry about finances (such as training, out-pinking, and drinking white-wine sodas), our sponsorship arrangements were slow in being realized this year.

No More: The Lamma Ladies are thrilled to announce that our 2006 sponsor is Top Deck at the Jumbo, which is part of the Cafe Deco Group.

Check out their website. It has pretty pictures.

Not only is the food and drink at the Top Deck amazing (Sunday Brunch is not to be missed!), but you get to sit smack-dab in the centre of the Aberdeen Marina; gazing idly at the ice-cream dream vessels of the local 'yachties' and generally feeling more and more spoiled and indolent as you quaff champagne in the sunshine.

Oh it's a tough life, but somebody has to live it.

In truth, the only reason we are telling the general public in this forum is because that is what good teams do for their sponsors. (That and win races, but that remains our goal of the near future!).

Otherwise, we wouldn't tell anyone anything, for fear the place is booked when we want to go.

So visit the Top Deck here:

Top Deck at the Jumbo
Jumbo Kingdom
Shum Wan Pier Drive
Wong Chuk Hang
Aberdeen
HONG KONG
T: +852 2552 3331

But hey: try not to hog all the best seats, okay?

Lotsa splashing - Tin Hau 2006

2006-04-20T20:10:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, on very special festival days, the Lamma Ladies deign to play with the boys; if only to appease the goddess Tin Hau.

Mind - playing nice with the Lamma men can cause symptons such as nausea, vomiting, face-pulling and the occassional temper tantrum.

Fortunately, the men can often amuse themselves. Note the homoerotic ear nibbling above.
Nathan: "Oh, I got your ear! Mmmmm! Tasty little delicate, scrumptious ear!"
Ellis: "Tee hee!"

Katie, Gina and Arja prepare themselves for the Cover Girl Face of Youth and Beauty competition. Since Katie and Gina didn't get anywhere with the Amazing-Race-Run-by-Morons, we figure that next contract is all sewn up!

They are discussing cold fusion. And relativity. Like: "if my mother and father were related before they got married, am I related to myself?"

Premis A: Splashing indicates good fortune and joy. The wetter you get, the more fortune will smile upon you.
Premis B: Everyone here smells bad and is blaming it on each other.

Premis A: Ooooohhhhh, good fortune!
Premis B: Arrrrgh, next time use soap!

Onwards! Cool alcoholic beverages await! And Steamed Prawns! And a Roast Pig!

What an awesome day on Lamma. Tin Hau be blessed!

Amazing Pink Ladies Want to Race

2006-03-29T11:09:00.000+08:00

Yes, yes: you've heard it here first. Former-captain Katie (wooh wooh!) and her shorter, darker (evil dark!) replacement Captain Gina are entering the Amazing Race Asia! At least, they are sending in their application for the Amazing Race Asia.

Not satisfied with Pinking, Paddling and Partying in Hong Kong and Boracay (though we love to do so), they are trying to take their show on the road, bringing fame, fun and fashion conciousness to Paddlers and Couch-Potatoes everywhere.

For a preview of their video application, click here: You Bitches!

Not only does this fine film represent Katie and Gina at their supernatural best, but it also features a glimpse of the LOVLIEST LAMMA LADIES as they support their captains (new and not-new), through their great team spirit and - ahem - amusing sense of humour.

Left: Blond bombshell Katie. Right: Dark, sneaky Gina.

If YOU want to see more of the Lamma Idiots on your TV now, and would like to support Kookie Katie and Girning Gina in their team entry, send an email into AXN at this address: Feedback@axn-asia.com

Begin the viral campaign; we could be the next superflu!

Gina and Katie for the Amazing Race Asia 2006!

laughin lamma ladies

2006-03-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

Sunday, March 12 - Lamma Ladies hit Shatin for our first race of the season. Some of us felt that it went well.

Practicing on the river: breathing through your nose is advisable, but commonly forgotten in the heat of the race. This year, nobody spotted any floating dead things. There were a couple of moody looking paddlers on the water though... but not in pink!

There is something that we like very much about this photo. But then, we don't really believe in omens; we believe in self-fulfilling prophesies.

Men in pink are hot. really. we are not lying. even the Scottish ones! (love ya Frazer!).

All of this and medals and trophies too. And what lovely faces! Not a maniac in the crowd. Behold the secret weapon: children with high expectations of their mother! A more potent force in the universe has yet to be discovered.

Well, tofu farts are rather potent, but we try not to think about those.

WWWM

2006-03-08T18:38:00.000+08:00

We Wanna Win More.
Like last year in Mui Wo.

inspirational reading

2006-02-28T23:07:00.000+08:00

We're going back for it. Click here.

mystery ipod winner found!

2006-02-26T23:24:00.000+08:00

Lamma Bar Queen (and Dragon) Sharon and the ipod winner "D Barlow"

Yes, Dan Barlow was located as the winner of the Bollywood Bling ipod, and I can honestly say that a few tears were shed by some of the Lamma Ladies who were obviously pining for the new gadget.

The ticket was sold by Ellie - which just goes to show that we are not nearly as corrupt as we would like to be.

Excellent work in the boats this weekend ladies. Dawn's no-pity performance was exceptional and more than a few of the ladies limped away to seek hot showers and panadol after Sunday's long peices. Keep snapping those chicken wings over your heads and punching forward ladies; your muscles will thank you later.
Some of our new members also decided to hit the hills for cross training on Sunday morning. Brownie points go to Laura and Katie for their uncannily cheerful cross-country run - and of course to Kim, who had to go home and do dreaded paperwork for the day. (We missed you Kim!).

Our first race is looming on March 12, and we expect to have our banana-beast boat up and running by the coming weekend.

No exceptions girls: everyone in the boats this weekend! We'll be formulating our race crew ideas and in dragon boating, absence (alas) won't make heart grow fonder, stronger, or make your reach longer.

Once again: well done! Practices were not easy this weekend and everyone paddling made an excellent effort. Keep those muscles warm, get massages if you have time and be kind to yourselves.

Final reminder: for those who wish to do some running, the ladies are cross training on the weekends at 8 or 8:30 for trail runs. The hills are beautiful in the morning, and whether you're a beginner or a running veteran, there is time and space for everyone.

Have a brilliant week.

back to boogey in BORACAY

2006-02-24T16:20:00.000+08:00

Sun, crystal water and the most pinktastic hosts ever! The Lamma Ladies are headed back to Boracay and already the girls are jumping up and down with excitement.

Invitations were posted today, and we are delighted at the kind shout out from the organizers to the Lamma's finest ambassadors (need we say Hong Kong's Finest? I don't think we do!).

From the Organization Queen Abby:

Ola and greetings from the white sands of boracay!

Dear Friends,

1st of all i would like to thank you for coming to last year's dragon run hosted in Boracay Island. Being it our 1st international competition your participation was more than welcome. your support no doubt was critical to its success :) thank you!

The race has also been a learning experience for us organizers here in the philippines and hope this year we can better the experience :)

We hope you will again honor us with your company this may 11-13 2006. attached is an ivitation to this years race and travel details.

The beach is calling and we would love it if you can join us! We've got more teams on board! New boats all 8 of them! and even crazier parties in store for you!

pls feel free to contact me if you have any questions. see you at the beach!

happy paddling!
PS: special mention to the LAMMA LADIES who have made the event an even more colorful experience for us all :) cheers to the pretty ladies in pink! and hope to see all of you at the beach!

Pinks prepare to party. Only one sun chaise was killed in preparation for this closing-night party

Yes - they are ALL gorgeous; Yes - we loved them

Opening night ceremony

They didn't need any help, but we like to think we influenced the colour scheme a little

Who's that in the lead?!

So get yourselves together ladies. May 11-13 (Thursday to Saturday, with Sunday return.

Out PINK, Out PADDLE, Out PARTY in Boracay 2006!

Bolly-dollies

2006-02-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

Lamma's international women of mystery were all out in Bollywood Bling finest on Saturday night for their fundraiser for the so-PINK, so-POWERFUL and so-Pickled ladies dragon boat team.

Party photos courtesy of the woman we think is Karen, on the left. Arja, last seen collapsed on the tender hills of Lamma (here) has reappeared as Finland's finest export - and yes, we count the vodka too.

Dragonettes: Anna, Li, Karen and Michelle

Selling Deli-Lamma samosa goodness was not enough for the bolly-dancing twin-set. Jo-Jo Dancer and Tina (R&B) jingled through the streets of Yung Shue Wan and somehow those coins around their hips magically multiplied: to the tune of $1,000 worth of jingling. And who said belly dancing wasn't a worthy pursuit?

Yes she squints in photos. No, she's not Shannon Doherty's evil twin. Yes that is a reference to the original cast of 90210. No, I am not apologizing.

There was no answer as to why the chromosone-challenged MCs asked only the BLOND paddlers to enter the kinder-egg contest. We do know Claudia should have mashed kinder-egg goop up their noses though.

She looks so friendly. Who would guess she's the evil queen of the beasts? Have you ever been thumped with a dragon boat drum stick? Don't mess around. Really - this is your first and last warning. Note the appropriate use of the colour chart.

He's no lamma lady. Great Bindi-action however.

For those foolish or directionally-confused enough to miss the great Bollywood Bling Party, well let us just say: you missed some wicked-good prizes.

The official first prize, the Ipod Nano, was sold by MAZZO.
Mazzo, please identify yourself at the information counter: we don't know who you sold the ticket to, and that Ipod Nano is looking might-ee fine to some less scrupulous dragonettes today!

Well, the official first prize, as we said will presumably be a hit whenever we locate the winner.

Trumping that particular bit of machinery, however, was a rather special device designed, patent-owned and operated by one of Lamma's imported sons. Jon Buford very kindly offered to donate one of the first of his Happy Kitty vibrators to the our Bollywood Bling fund raiser. (Do not read the link while at the office. I repeat: Do not read the link at the office.)

What you see here, is a photo of the recipient Ms SP (who shall remain unnamed in the event family members look her up online and discover this to be the lead reference to Ms. SP, thereby disinheriting her from her rightfully-owed 10,000 acres.) cheerfully accepting her prize the day after the Bollywood Bash.

Here is Ms SP's good friend, rather surprised by the directions on the back of the specially-designed certificate that promises full delivery of the Happy Kitty, as well as a 10-year warranty and a package of cleaning wipes.

Some of the previous sentence is not made up.

So with all this Bollywood goodness - is it any surprise that the Lamma Ladies made approximately $10,000 at their fund raiser. And with creative minds like Jon Buford, our incessant references to bosoms and paddles, is it any wonder we're developing a complex about our sexuality?

Out Pink, Out Paddle, Out Party.
Everyday.

The perfect boob flash and the ghost of Georgia O'Keeffe

2006-02-13T08:55:00.000+08:00

Oh yes - the paparazzi caught us out. Thanks to Lamma.com we have evidence of a spectacular turn-out this weekend in YSW Harbour. The sun was sunny, the water was wet, the jellyfish had the decency to stay away and we currently have a total of 31 ladies on the water (the numbers keep growing). Spectacular turnout and a fantastic effort from new paddlers and our doyennes (c'mon, you know you love that word... much better than "oldsters"!).

Now for the best part: if you click on the photos above, you will see Kim Dragon (front left paddler in the boat in the back of the photos), exhibiting fantastic shoulder rotation for maximum breast flashing! Look at her boobs! (yeah... they're covered up, but so what). You know this is why the men are pushing for a mixed boat this year. Hurrah for Kim! Study that form ladies: this is the rotation we are looking for!

Now for the announcement of SHAME!

I've had word from Katrina Dragon that she was assaulted by a vat of Heineken on Saturday night and handcuffed to her toilet Sunday morning (those are metaphors. Please do not read anything kinky into these statements. Kinky is coming next). SHAME Katrina Dragon! SHAME!

Good thing she's a beloved doyenne (that word again); otherwise we might have to torment her

NOTE: It's all a matter of Perception
Despite the fact that one of the dragon heads was knocked off its boat 3 times on Saturday - following the ceremonial launch of the boats provided by Lamma's wonderful fishermen - we have decided that the 3rd decapitation was actually a good omen.

Gina-Dragon's accidental full-body embrace of the dragon head during Saturday's practice will henceforth be considered LUCKY; particularly since no harm came to the dragon's head.

It was a good omen. Repeat: a GOOD OMEN.

NOTE: Practice this weekend
This weekend's practice is at 4:30 on Saturday (be there at 4:20 please - and ready to line-up for the boats) and NOTE THIS: 10:30 on Sunday (please arrive at 10:20).

Finally, the Lamma Ladies always love to get flowers - especially flowers that fall into the correct colour scheme.

On the other hand - these flower images (sent to us from Lamma.com) are a little - uh - erotic. That whole Georgia O'Keeffe genitalia thing has us concerned that people might get the wrong message.

Sure we've been inadvertently linked to bondage websites and spanking fetishists - and yes, a few of the ladies have been know to "lift, separate and reshape" each others bosoms, but that doesn't mean we're into freaky exposure and stuff. Not so early in the season anyway.

Now, for your reading pleasure, a little art history.

O'Keeffe, Georgia, 1887 - 1986, American (PINK) painter.
Immaculate, sculptural, organic forms painted in strong, clear colors predominate in her works. Living much of her life in New Mexico, O'Keeffe employed numerous Southwestern motifs. Her pristine abstract designs carry strong elements of sexual symbolism - especially her flower paintings, her most personal works. Using a photographic close-up technique, she revealed the exquisite recesses of calla lilies, orchids, and hollyhocks.

There will be no "exquisite recess revealing" this season. Repeat: THERE WILL BE NO EXQUISITE RECESS REVEALING THIS SEASON.

That is our official line, anyway.

Paddle 'til You Puke!

2006-02-09T16:57:00.000+08:00

Our latest lovely poster

Official Lamma Ladies Colour Chart

The text to the poster above is found here. Indeed it is fascinating. And heroic. And Pink-tastic.
In fact, it's become such a hit with the Lamma Ladies and Gents that we've thrown open the doors (and thrown up our lunch) to suggestions for NEW team mottos.
From the top of TP Hill, Olipenny has suggested:

1) Pretty Pink Paddlers Practice... Puking Publicly!
2) Rosy Rowers Race… Retching Repeatedly!
and
3) Voracious Violet Vomiting Vixens… Victorious!

However, we disqualify number 3 as it propagates a bad colour-word.
So start sending your suggestions today! And please note: any scurrilous language(or general rudeness) will result in a beating. And don't think we're not techno-savvy enough to find you through your web-portal. We have ways of making you talk and cry - big, fat, pink-coloured tears.

Get Orgasmic!

2006-02-07T17:36:00.000+08:00

(or is that 'organic'?)

I have NO idea who this chick is; however I do know that the Lamma Ladies are planning a power brunch following practice on February 19 at 1:30-2:00ish.

And how do you get to me a member of this most excellent party of salad-slurpers and tofu-burpers? GET THE HENCE to the Lamma Ladies yahoo group database website! by either clicking here, or going the long way round via the yahoo site here.

There will be veggie grub for everyone! Crazy carrot-ginger concoctions to strengthen your eye sight and quicken the blood (all the better to sneak up on the competition and hit them over the head with a paddle!).

So book now! We have 10 women already signed up and there are bound to be perverts lurking in the alleys now that this has gone public.

What will YOU be wearing Beast-Master???

Train, train, train your pink booties

2006-02-07T16:21:00.000+08:00

Get ready. Now!
Paddle training for the 2006 season, every weekend, starting this Saturday. But be reminded: you shall refrain from lazy nonchalance on week days la!

Therefore, find here the first in a series of...

Pinktastic Tasks of the day:

If you live on Tai Peng Hill...
run up the hill carrying a 5l container of Bonaqua (Mineralised!) water. Easy.

If you live near the tennis court...
run home carrying a 5l bag of cat litter. Easy.

If you live in Poh Wah Yuen..
run home carrying as many rusty bikes you can pick up from the ferry pier at once. Easy.

If you don’t live on Lamma...
don’t bother going home, hit the gym instead!

Power. Precision. Passion.

Yours pinkly,
Tasktator

Blinging it for paddle FUNds

2006-02-07T15:46:00.000+08:00

Bollywood Bling @ Island Bar
Lamma Dragons Fundraiser Night for the dragon boat season 2006.

* Saturday, 18th February 2006, from 8pm
* Island Bar (Main Street, Yung Shue Wan, Lamma Island)
* Dress: Bollywood, Pink
* Door: $20.

Bollywood & bhangra beats, spicy cocktail concoctions, dancing babes in sarees, Indian food, bindis, henna tattoos, bhangra boys dancing contest, much more...

Swing your sarees & come to Lamma Island for the pinkest party of the month!

Ferry Schedule - click here

Give your Alter Ego a Lift: Go Pink - Get Powerful

2006-02-05T14:43:00.000+08:00

Power. Precision. Passion.

And the other three Ps.*

Together they define the essence of the Lamma Ladies Dragon Boat Team. We’re a 3-drinks minimum, 20-cylinder engine producing 2 horsepower: enough to launch a dragon boat from zero-to-eight mph in a staggering 20 minutes (Actual acceleration results may vary).

Our four speed** (wo)manual transmission with optional beast-master drummer (BMD) and waterlogged paddle shorts make every practice a soul-stirring, blister-raising experience.

Just two practices, hunched over the gunwales of our state-of-the-art, banana-yellow dragon boat is all it takes. The Lamma Ladies: You’ll never look back.

* “Out PINK, Out PADDLE, Out PARTY” is a registered trade mark of the Lamma Ladies. Try to steal our motto and we’ll kick your ass.

** Four speed: 1) faffing about; 2) strong and steady; 3) fast and powerful; 4) the PLF (paddle like f—k) spin-cycle.

The Lamma Ladies: Paddle ‘til you Puke

all this, and scary men too

2006-01-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

Yes, it appeared that nothing was happening, but the New Year has rolled in and the year of the dog is coming next.

The Lamma Ladies who Lurch met for their Christmas luncheon and wore terrible hats and traded (non-terrible) gifts and laughed and snorted into their mulled wine and lurched out again.

Christmas happened. There was far too much champage. I think that goes for everyone.

New Year's Eve. No photos shall be posted.

And tomorrow, Saturday 21 January, Lamma is welcoming new paddle recruits to her happy shores.

For a little inspiration, here are paddling images from Penang, Malaysia, 2004. We loved Malaysia, though our "men's team" looks strangely familiar.

The tall babe dancing in the tent? That is our long-distance Brazilian goddess Lulu. The woman with the 'stache and long braids? Our crazy paddle queen Claire - from Zambia.

Did either of these women live on Lamma in 2004? Hell no! Lulu came from Northern Thailand to paddle with her Lamma team and Claire prolonged (by 3 months) a business trip/vacation to stay for the paddle season.

This year, Lamma expects Princess Ra to return from grimmest England for our return offensive on the Island of Boracay (Dragon Run 2006!) and we welcome new members and old.

After all: we need someone to pick up our bar tab!

By the way - these dudes are Australian and are not our fault... Well they might be the fault of a few of the girls wandering around in their terribly prudish bikinis. We are very culturally sensitive that way.

poll: maybe we shouldn't list 'paddles' as an interest (ps: don't let granny read this post)

2005-12-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

But you be the judge. When you click on our profile, near the bottom (no pun intended) you find "paddles."

Here are some of the nice people who share our "interest."

1. - bottoms up

Ashford : Kent : United Kingdom
Interests: food, spanking, knickers, panties, hairbrushes, paddles, charlotte church [!!!], rimming, gay, bottom fetish, thongs, butt plugs, Rosaleen Young,otk, anal, riding crop, whip, martinet, submissive, domminant, culottes, fessee, smack bottom

2. - Untrammeled

22 year old female Scorpio
Austin : Texas : United States
Interests: BDSM, spanking, punishment, sex, pain, submission, willpower, chains, cuffs, whips, floggers, paddles, otk, anal sex, domination, submission

3. - just slave
42 year old female Capricorn
Texas : United States
Interests: Master, the Master/slave way of life, slavery, submission, kajira, canes, floggers, paddles, crops, bondage, spanking, Gorean, music, reading, backgammon, guitars, keyboards, flower gardening, vegetable gardening, jigsaw puzzles, photography, nature

Arja's training to kick your arse

2005-12-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

just when you thought it was safe to relax, some little finnish miss heads to the hills so that her butt will be finely-honed for the upcoming season. rest stops are optional.

yeah, it's 8am on a Sunday. yeah, I'll be coming around the mountain when I come.

da coach.

training is fun. now get me a fried breakfast - pronto.

come for lurch, dammit

2005-12-06T13:56:00.000+08:00

Click photo for large-size menu

WHERE: Delany's - Wanchai, site of the official "Lamma Ladies who Lurch" luncheons

WHEN: December 16th, 12:30

WHY: Do you really need to ask? Food and hooch!

WHAT: Santa Exchange - buy a small and tricksie gift for exchange ($50-$100HKD). She who opens the package first can keep or exchange gift with something new on the table, leaving the itchy santa-themed thong and garter for next victim.

WHO: It was Karen's idea - you'll have to get all the gift-exchange details from her.

Pink online

2005-12-05T11:41:00.000+08:00

And when I am done beating you; I will beat your
friends and family and you will cry and cry. Fear me:
I have big muscles and I know how to use them!

- Captain Katie Dragon 2005

Are you talking to me? Are YOU, talking to ME?
- Ivan, flanked by his paddle-soldiers, 2005

The 2005 Hong Kong International Dragon Boat Races had absolutely NOTHING to recommend it. Unless you like manky water and smelling like a public toilet.

The Lamma Ladies, of course, dressed for the occassion. Get used to the wigs; there are always wigs.