silver belles

Some nine or ten days has gone by since the Lamma Ladies were chastised for their vulgar ways in the public forum.

Since then, there has been some confusion over the activities of the Lamma Ladies, as we have been away racing (as we are wont to do), and lammaladies-spotters have mistaken the fishermen's night training for the usual riotous Pink Ladies. Nkarraker mourned what he/she believed was a silent Lamma ladies crew:

Well, you all have done it now. We were eating in one of the seaview restaurants tonight after dark and on the horizon we saw a dragonboat with its tiny lights coming into the harbor, I am certain, from another part of the South China Sea. In utter silence. No boom, boom, boom. No big tamasha. No shouting, shouting. No intricate rhythms on the drum. Like so many faceless seagoers paddling on a quiet communal rowing machine. I hope you are happy now.
We would hasten to assure Mr/Ms Nkarraker that nothing shuts the Lamma Ladies up.

Those were, in fact, the Lamma Fishermen, who - we are delighted to say - won a spectacular traditional fishermen's race in Cheung Chau on Sunday, April 29th! Those fishermen's boats are FAST! So the Yung Shue Wan, Lamma North Fishermen were superfast! And victorious. And Fantastic. And did we mention that they are the greatest?

Back to the Lamma Ladies:

We are pleased to announce that the Beast Master (known to laymen as the "drummer"), has taken on a new nick-name: Big Tamasha.

She seems to like it.

In racing news, the Pink Ladies attended their first race of the season in Shatin on Sunday, April 21. There is nothing quite like getting up at 6am to catch the 6:40 ferry to Shatin on a Sunday, then waiting for several hours between 1-minute races (our average time was 55 seconds over 200 meters). However, the day can be summed up by this photo:

How time just flies between those races.

And did we mention the toilets? There were FOUR porta-potties available for some 600 people. What can we tell you about that? We can tell you that it was revolting. Anyone who doubts the Lamma Ladies dedication to their sport has NEVER had to use a porta-potty that has served 600 athletes over an 8-hour period. Gas masks may have helped, but we are dubious that even that would have been enough.

Note to race providers. Get more bloody toilets next time!

As for the races: the Lamma Lovelies were split into two boats for the 200-meter Shatin drag race. In the following photo, our A-team boat is racing against four other crews for the final event.
After a blistering start, the Lamma Ladies pushed on to win a silver medal in their first event. It was, in fact, an excellent start to the season, although some of us were a little sniffy that we hadn't won the gold.

Well that is just hubris, and the Lamma Ladies would hate to be guilty of unwarranted pride. In any case, we are very happy to say that our second-place medals give us greater incentive to make Big Tamashas in the harbour, scream louder, and paddler harder!

Above are five tired boats at the finish line. We are the pink boat, in case there is any doubt.

And here we are, making faces and cheering over our fist silver medal of the season! Two of us are drinking wine in this photo. For purposes of fairness and anonymity, we cannot identify Georgie, in the pink tights and blue hat, or Michelle, in the black dress and fashionable white sneakers as the wine drinkers. But if we could, we would say that was them.

Drinking wine.... On the podium.... Shocking.

(The rest of us hid our beer cans behind our backs).

On Sunday, April 29th, the Lamma Ladies were invited to a traditional colour boat race in Cheung Chau. This is the same race that the Fishermen attended and won (we mentioned that, right?).

Again the Lamma Ladies took a silver medal, though we had never raced in colour boats before.

This is what we have to say about colour boats:

  • They are about 20 feet long.
  • They are about 1-foot deep.
  • They are evidently designed for women who weigh less that 40kgs.

We are afraid to say that although the Lamma Ladies may be working on "perfect asses," we have never stipulated that they be perfectly tiny asses.

And so, with each stroke from our magnificent arms, our boats would lunge across the water like demented, drunken beasts; skittering sideways and throwing up bow waves that could have sunk barges, and generally foiling our best efforts to glide across the water in graceful unison.

What the hell: we lunged our way across the finish line, picked up our two trophies (two boats won trophies!), and then ran off to eat shellfish and race sampans back to Lamma, with lots of "shouting shouting" along the way.

See us at our next race: THE TIN HAU FESTIVAL - in Yung Shue Wan, Lamma Island, on May 9!

There will be only decorous 'shouting shouting' at Tin Hau, since we have tremendous respect for our local race to this benevolent goddess of the sea.

Not even the Lamma Ladies mess with the sea gods. That's just stupid.

"Enticing lustful (sic) opiatics" and our "tight, dampened shorts"

It is with overwhelming shame that we, the Lamma Ladies have recently learned that our outrageous, immoral behaviour is offending the sensibilities of the more principled members of Lamma society.

In a recent photo essay on, Lamma-gung posted some snaps of the Lamma Ladies getting ready to begin a training session on Saturday, April 14th, 4:30pm-6pm .

(Readers: You may want to consult you diaries, in case you noted any disturbance to your public-decency barometers during that period.)

According to the forum on, the loud, violent drumming and the "Too much of shouting shouting," was particularly loathsome to some of the more morally upstanding denizens of the Lamma community.

In addition to our "too much of shouting shouting..." the Lamma Ladies harridans have been urged to stop this disgraceful exercising in public and do what proper ladies, of exemplary dignity have done for centuries: stay home.

"Maybe machine for rowing is better," opines one gentleman.

"The ladies dancing on tables after consuming alcohol, and it is not suitable for these ladies to behave in such a manner. Too much of excitement . Staying home is better and having [home rowing] machine will give the exercise," he concludes.

We are delighted that exercise remains on the agenda, what, with all the jackboot polishing we will likely be doing (as befits proper, dignified ladies) we'll need to keep up our strength.

Our greatest shame came from the febrile pen of one Mr/Ms tjungarayi who wrote:
Not only (do the Lamma Ladies harridans have) loose morals but they look they are all on drugs.
Steroids that is! Just look at the shoulders and forearms on some of those... .em... 'ladies'. Popeye, eat your heart out! [Editor's note: Popeye was a pussy wuss, as are all men who are perplexed by muscular women.]

At last the voice of the moral stalwart can be heard among those in this forum. Bring back the morals of queen Victoria, the quiet dignified ladies and gentlemen of yesteryear.

Get rid of the smut and scantily clad women in pink lycra swim wear. Enough of the grunting echoes in Yung Shu Wan.

These women should be setting an example to the young ladies on the island not parading about in tight dampened shorts riding up their suntanned thighs. What effect will thse women have on the young men on the island I ask?

They will lead young men into the ways of wickedness and depravation. Enticing
lustful opiatic like sodden dreams on warm balmy nights.
Blinding our young men
to upright meaningful Protestant occupation. Alas what has this island come to. (?)
Well, quite apart from the atrocious punctuation, this certainly put us in our place!

If we had known that parading around Lamma, with our "tight dampened shorts riding up our suntanned thighs" would lead to "enticing lustful opiatic like sodden dreams on warm balmy nights," well - we'd never wear anything else!

We do, however, apologize for the "sodden dreams."

Perhaps some "Young Men" on Lamma should consider rubber sheets? Nocturnal emissions are nothing to be ashamed of, certainly, but they do make your bedding a little funky after a time.

In conclusion, the Lamma Ladies (reborn, harridans no more!) would like to offer our since apologies to those people we've offended with our crass, unfeminine behaviour. Should you care to discuss the matter with us at a future date, please drop by after a training session.

We'll be a little tired, but we'll still be happy to kick your sorry, whinging asses.